Yo mama is so fat, that when she jumps into a pool, she dispenses a larger volume of water than a normal person would.

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What's the difference between a guitar and a fish?

One is a music instrument and the other is an animal.

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What did the hobo get for Christmas?

Nothing.

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What was the pirate movie rated?

PG-13 for violence and brief nudity.

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I'm about to rewrite history.

History

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Do you know what Chuck Norris does for a living?

He's an actor, I also heard he's quite good with martial arts.

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