Q: What's black and white and red all over?
A: A dead zebra.
How do you get rid of a cold?
Turn the heating on.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
*Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.*
What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a lama?
An animal abuse lawsuit.
Why did the man fall off his bike?
Because someone threw a fridge at him.