How do you get rid of a cold?

Turn the heating on.

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How do you get a clown off a swing?

Hit him with an axe.

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Knock, Knock.

Who's there?

Dave.

Dave who?

*Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.*

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What do you get when you cross a crocodile and a lama?

An animal abuse lawsuit.

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Why did the man fall off his bike?

Because someone threw a fridge at him.

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What did one pancake say to the other pancake?

Nothing, there is no such thing as talking pancakes.

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