Your momma's so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.

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A duck walks into a bar.

Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.

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What do you call a man with a shovel in his head?

An ambulance, due to the fact that he has a rather serious head wound.

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Knock Knock

Come in.

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs water skiing?

I do not know, but that sounds like a highly improbable circumstance.

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A chemist and his friend walk into a bar.

The chemist says "I'd like a glass of H2O." So the bartender gave him water.

His friend said "I'd like a glass of H2O, too."

So the bartender also gave him water, because he knew what he meant and had no conceivable reason to be carrying hydrogen peroxide, much less to be giving it as a drink.

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Q: Why did the Catholic priest get sent to jail?

A: Tax evasion.

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