I've got 99 problems and I am seeing a therapist about each and every one of them.

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Why did the chicken cross the road?

It's owner was lobotomized by an incoming brick after telling this jo-

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I ran into an old friend the other day.

I was arrested for driving under the influence.

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A fly buzzes in to a bar.

The bar tender promptly swats it with a fly swatter.

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What has fingernails and legs made of grass?

You, I was lying about the legs made of grass.

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What is a Jub?

Watch out! There's a flying elephant coming your way!

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Q:What group of people do cops target?
A:Criminals

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What has five fingers and looks human?

A severed hand.

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